I have finally remembered how to know things without necessarily having a reaction.

It's kind of like how you silence all the little system beeps on a cell phone; pressing the buttons still initiates a process, but quietly.

“There’s a trick to the 'graceful exit.' It begins with the vision to recognize when a job, a life stage, or a relationship is over — and let it go. It means leaving what’s over without denying its validity or its past importance to our lives. It involves a sense of future, a belief that every exit line is an entry, that we are moving up, rather than out.”
― Ellen Goodman

Not at the Fair... At Noodle Wave!

Sure, it is not wrong to laugh at a funeral. But if you do it, and it hurts someone's feelings, are you still justified and righteous? Do you then ignore the person you hurt in the hopes that they'll get over it eventually?

For the second time this year, I've been burned by love. I suppose that's not a bad track record, since I did go almost nine years without any heartbreak. So if this is a case of when-it-rains-it-pours, then I'm pretty scared of the rest of this year.

The details are not important, because it's always the same thing anyway.

But regarding my reaction to rejection, I had two different man say the same thing on the same day, "Everyone grieves differently!" As if I am not aware of what is going on outside my own head. In fact, I should probably pay less attention to what others are thinking, because I do it to a fault. I can spend hours carefully constructing how I'm going to tell someone something, so that I don't hurt their feelings!

My least favorite thing for people to do when they know they hurt me is to ignore me. But everyone is so damn entitled, the burden to fix the problem is pushed back to me (wait, who got hurt, again?!) I don't expect people to be perfect and never make mistakes. But I do expect them to make an effort if we're friends.

I'm in for a long, bumpy road, apparently. And while travelling that road, I get to watch out for other girls falling out of the sky and into the laps of men that I wasn't ready to stop walking with. Which makes me wonder... could I just fall out of the sky and into the room of a cute guy? Where do I sign up for that?

Seriously, though, I need a date... like, a lot of them. I want all kinds of dates. Dinner, drinks, parks, bikes, dogs, bars, costume parties. I want so many dates lined up that I get confused and double-book them! I want to be given a new bouquet of flowers before the old ones are even dead.

It feels like a process of desensitization. Like, I've been too innocent all this time, and I need to get to the point where I don't even need to know a guy's name, because I certainly won't trust him with my feelings.Viva la solo revolucion!